I am not one to give up easily.
I stubbornly went to college for years, aimless in my direction until finally choosing to become a teacher.
I have held onto friendships long after they've drifted away.
I fight for things I believe in - even when it appears nothing is changing.
Once in college I went so far as to "chase down" the author of a very controversial biographical book.When I interviewed her over the phone she told me: "Your persistence is going to get you far."
I was 19 years old.
Twenty years later, I realize that she was right, but with a twist.
God has taken me this far.
The Bible is rife with examples of persevering, such as when Paul talks about running the race and finishing the course (of life).
And today during my Mom's group, we watched a video about the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas (LOVE his books!), and he drew the parallel that investing in your marriage for the long term is a lot like the endurance you need to walk the Christian life without giving up.
So why do I keep wanting to quit this Cancer?
In some ways it's been four long, arduous years. Although I'm not the one who is physically enduring it, it's still hard to watch.
Ryan is the one I entered into a sacred marriage with, the man I dream about walking side by side when we are old. I simply hate watching the effects of it on Ryan's body and want the Cancer to quit so that we can realize our long-term dream.
My heart is breaking after seeing him get worse from two weeks of a daily fever, just from a "viral infection."
Today was a really hard day.
A pull-your-covers-over-your-head-and-take-a-nap day.
But the message I heard in my Mom's group was loud and clear: persevere!
Hang in there!
They even quoted James 1:4, which says that once we have our faith tested, the end result will make us perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
I want to lack nothing.
But today I was feeling emotionally depleted.
God showed up in the midst of my down day. He gave me a friend at my Mom's group to give me a hug, listen compassionately, and encourage me to keep going.
Tonight, I'm still here, slogging through the effects of illness that zaps the energy out of my entire family in one form or another.
But more important than that, I was reminded that God is with me, every step of the way.
He's cheering me on.
I am going to persevere.
No matter what.