I have been walking my dog every day, early in the morning. Mainly to clear my head and pray about the upcoming day.
Frankly, it's been a rough four weeks and I've needed the daily walks.
My doctor verified my miscarriage only five short days after they told me I was pregnant.
Then a week later Talitha got sick enough to throw up for the first time. Two days later, I caught the stomach flu. And the next day Ryan had it.
Ryan hasn't been that sick since his Cancer journey began two and a half years ago. It was a blessing to realize that he has had such good health over the past year and hasn't dealt with vomiting from chemo.
It was still rough to see him so sick.
I wish he didn't have to go through any of this.
Lately, I've been thinking about the layers of life.
How one person touches our lives in a unique pattern.
How some of those patterns weave in and out of our lives permanently and others join us for a short while and then vanish without a trace.
I have been stuck on a particular strand from my past that is just, well...
I've asked God to heal it. To make that pattern fade into the background once and for all.
He has done it with many other patterns in my life. So this one should heal the same as the others.
Except it's not.
It's standing out like a sore thumb.
God will heal it, though.
I am not the same person I was when Ryan got diagnosed. He certainly isn't either.
We have different conversations than we would if Cancer never affected our lives.
And more urgency.
One truth I've learned to hold onto from the Bible is the fact that "...we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purposes." (Romans 8:28)
I don't know why Ryan got Cancer. I don't know why I had a miscarriage a month ago. I don't know what the future will bring. But I do know this: even though God allows bad things to happen, God is good.