Friday, June 24, 2016

Change of Address

"Yes, we got the house," he said.

When he said this, it felt like the bottom dropped out from under me. I was so sad for myself in that moment that it was pretty hard to recover and instantly be happy for their impending move. But I was happy if they were happy.

Yet I had been very comfortable being close to our friends and for some reason always assumed they would be there.

The built-in coffee buddy.

The late night Target runs.

The quick trip to the store, just because we could go together (without the kids!)

The Bible study group meetings.

But things change in this world and they decided that another place would work better for their family.

And I just kept thinking of me, myself, and my losses and got stuck in that, for a while.

My heart ached, terribly.

They were the 7th family friend to move out of town since Talitha's birth, and the last of six families in the past year. (Although another friend recently told me they're looking to move, as well! Sigh!)

And that didn't include my Mom's relocation to eternity, either.

So when Ryan called me with the bad news yesterday about his Cancer growing and spreading and treatment options looking bleak, one would think I would have just lost it.

But surprisingly, I didn't.

Because God had prepared me through all those other losses to let things go.

To stop trying to control my life.

To stop looking into a future that doesn't include Ryan.

To stop trying to pretend I know how things are going to go.

Don't get me wrong. We have taken some very serious baby steps in order to get our financial house in order. We have talked about all that needs to be said and taken care of.

His wishes are known. And will be respected.

But God has given us family and friends who have loved on us. And prayed for us.

And prayed and prayed and prayed.

Ryan is still here. And he went to work yesterday instead of doing chemo that apparently wasn't helping anyway.

But when he got home from work, we did what any family would do after receiving bad news...

We went to Rubio's and ate dinner out.

The inevitable changes that will take place in my life are very uncomfortable and not fun (at all) to consider.

But God gives us hope for a future spent with Him.

And He also gives the perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Him.

I can say with all honesty that I have that perfect peace. My brave friends who have called me have expected a puddle and instead have heard a pillar because my strength comes from the Lord, and the Lord alone.

And frankly, I don't feel much different than I did yesterday. Or the day before that.

(Translation: I still have a sense of humor. And I still like it when friends bring me food. Especially baked goods. Chocolate is always a winner, FYI.)

I don't know what will happen in Ryan's future nor how much time he has here on earth. I am with everyone else who is praying for Ryan and hope that we all have many more years together, in spite of our bad news.

But I know the One who hold the future. And He is the One I am clinging to.

Loss and changes of address are inevitable in this world.

But God will give me His presence, in addition to the peace He has already given me, for every circumstance I will go through.

And He will do that for you, as well.

You just need to ask for it, especially when someone tells you it is time for them to change their address here on earth, or into eternity.